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4



Alternity, an Alternate History Novel
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Yes, my dear, that was a close one this morning. That management meeting was a harrowing one, one in which, with my finely honed skills, I managed to dodge the Hitler bullet.

The Second Law of Public Relations, dear, is to always protect your own reputation at all costs. Like the prize fighter in the ring or the soldier on the battlefield, a public relations professional must keep his own self, his reputation, intact if he wishes to help others protect theirs.

And (I hesitate to write it, but I must write it nonetheless) the corollary of the Second Law is the Third Law: "Never hesitate to destroy someone else's reputation to protect your own." Jeremiah Jones is gone, only God knows where and only God cares. So I created the impression that he approved the use of NewsWorld covers on the Hitler Channel without my knowledge. The persona non grata remains just that, and Roger Keane is still able to do his job.

And I was able to shunt blame from myself so easily by extensive and steady practice of the Fourth Law of Public Relations: "Always show your good side as much as possible." My child, you will never know how many counterfeit compliments I have paid, how many laughs I have belted out from the shallower depths of my soul, how many opportunities to cut a dimwit to ribbons I have foregone. Yes, all in the name of the Fourth Law! With a lot of diligent effort, I have shown Roger Keane to be the "Good Guy" around the office, the one who can be relied upon for balanced judgement as well as expert advice.

And, naturally, the corollary to the Fourth Law of Public Relations is the Fifth Law: "Always show your dark side as little as possible." Yes, my child, a certain gentleman in this corner of the floor has been known (on occasion) to start throwing things across his office when he's not getting his way right away, to hang up on people in curt denial of their dignity as human beings, to rant and rave at length in reply to particularly idiotic voice messages (one can only pray that no recording of the last instance exists - it was voice recordings that did in Richard Nixon, who was otherwise a decent practicioner of the Craft).




















































The First Law of Public Relations by W.R. Hammons:

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