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Munich, September 23rd—A day after his newspaper’s publication of a provocative photograph of the interior of an Egyptian pharaoh’s ancient tomb, Adolf Hitler, until recently an obscure Bavarian politician and leader of the equally obscure German Workers’ Party (popularly known as the Darbeitpartei), continues his defiance of the Egyptian government and her allies with the publication of the full text of “The Gospel of Thomas,” an early Christian document that, until a fourth century Coptic translation of it was discovered by Herr Hitler, an American archeologist, and American journalist Maynard Owen Williams little over a month ago, was thought to have been lost forever (Coptic is a now-extinct language that was dominant in Egypt shortly after the birth of Christ). An expert in the field of Biblical archeology, a Dr. William Foxwell Albright, who, along with Mr. Williams, was arrested outside the hitherto buried tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings by British military authorities, claims to have discovered a large collection of such scrolls along with Hitler and another German by the name of Hess, and also claims to have studied the actual scrolls before they were spirited away to Munich by the two Germans.

The validity of Albright’s many assertions regarding Herr Hitler has been called into question by his conviction by a British military tribunal in Cairo of unlicensed excavation of Egyptian historical sites. Dr. Albright was fined £1,000, deported to the United States, and banned from ever setting foot on British-administered territory again, territory that includes Palestine, where Dr. Albright was a professor at the Center for Near Eastern Studies in Jerusalem. The professor has claimed that he received a letter from Herr Hitler detailing the exact location and nature of what are now being called “The Dead Sea Scolls,” a collection of seven scrolls which have been attributed to an ancient Jewish sect called the Essenes, and which were allegedly found in a cave on the northwest coast of the Dead Sea, in Palestine. The professor also claims that, thus overcome by curiosity, he met Hitler, Hess, and Williams in Alexandria, Egypt and accompanied them on a journey up the Nile River. Albright gave detailed accounts of the discoveries of the Coptic texts at Nag Hammadi, and of the Pharaoh’s tomb in the Valley of the Kings outside Luxor, and credits Hitler with an uncanny knowledge about the exact location of both finds, which each had been buried for hundreds and even thousands of years.